Small Town Night Owl

Posted on February 8, 2015 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning. —unknown

As I near 40, I’m almost ashamed to admit it. Almost. But here’s my confession: When it comes to sleep I am my own worst enemy. I think I might have jinxed myself as a kid when I muttered that both food and sleep were overrated. While I still hold these tenets to be true, I have come to discover that sleep is pretty vital (I’m sure food is, too…I just don’t want to admit it or PREPARE it.)

It’s not that I don’t need sleep. Trust me, I NEED it! It’s just that my clock is “off.” I could try blaming age, but my real trouble with sleep began way before that. It seems that at bedtime…I’m just not tired. As a child I remember sharing a room with my little sister and after lights out, we would simply stay up and talk…or sing. (We had these singing contests where we tried to win the other person over to our song. Popular catchy songs work well, but if I remember right, annoying brain worm songs like “Mary Had a Little Lamb” worked much better!) I also loved to tell stories and like an old woman I could spin a yarn that would go on for days. My poor sister! On more than one occasion I’d tell a story that would go on so long that she would fall asleep before it ended 🙂 It was slightly embarrassing…. Only slightly.

In junior high and especially high school, I continued my night owl ways. It wasn’t that I wasn’t tired. I really, really was! But afterschool activities, a social life and school work kept me up ’til the wee hours of the morning. (Before you jump to any conclusions let it be known that I stayed up way later for school work than for anything else! I know–I’m a NERD 🙂 ) For some reason, I always felt like I had more energy at night. 11pm seems to be peak time for me. To be fair, I have to admit that I am not a morning person. Not at all. Maybe that’s part of why I’m a night owl.

During my college years, being a night owl just went with the territory. We were all night owls…burning the candle at both ends. It wasn’t that big of a deal–nothing ever is at that age. Wake up early, stay up late…some nights sleep was more of a good idea than a reality. I can remember going to a Poe concert the night before a final, closing down the club, going out to breakfast, drinking my weight in coffee, studying for an hour and arriving on campus just in time to take a 7am final–and acing it. (Good genetics, I can thank my Mom for my test taking abilities!) This was the way life rolled and I loved it! Yes, sleep was overrated indeed. We are so invincible in our 20s….

One might think that motherhood would change everything. No. Now I had an excuse to be awake at all hours of the night. Pregnancy, middle of the night feedings, a colicky baby, illness of one kind or another, bad dreams, etc. All this and so much more just pushed my night owl tendencies to the next level because a sleeping child meant that I could have a moment to do what I wanted to do. You know, like watch a sitcom from beginning to end (forget movies…that’s asking for too much time,) have a snack and not have to share, catch up on correspondence, READ, and have a continuous thought (crazy, right?) Let me be clear, my late night tendencies have never had anything to do with insomnia (which sounds horrible!) It really is LIGHTS OUT once my head hits the pillow. It’s just that I can find a million and one things to do before going to sleep. Did I mention that I drink ALOT of coffee?

I’ve given my night owl tendencies a lot of thought lately. For the past few weeks I’ve noticed several news articles and studies that cite the need for better sleep habits…specifically MORE sleep and an earlier bedtime. At first I sort of brushed it off, but I’m starting to think that maybe I should take these things more seriously. These same studies say that a lack of sleep leads to poor memory, an inability to focus, impaired immunity, sluggish metabolism and WRINKLES. (Look, I claim not to be vain, but I don’t know a woman on the planet who’s “okay” with wrinkles!) So, what’s a girl to do? Change seems practically impossible. And let me just state for the record, this wouldn’t even be an issue if I could find a school district where classes didn’t start until 10am (that’s what I call a reasonable morning hour.)

My best friend recently told me that she has successfully made “the transition,” moving from night owl (she was my social counterpart in my early years) to morning person. I know–it just doesn’t seem possible! No longer does she fritter away the late night hours or need to set several alarm clocks to wake up in the morning. Instead she’s up with the sun and happy about it. So what’s her secret? She tells me that through prayer and discipline she has made a change for the better. Wouldn’t you just know it? Jesus is the answer (again!) I have to tell you that I’m not optimistic. It’s not that I don’t have faith…it’s more that I don’t know if I’m ready. Because you see EVERY part of me LIKES staying up late. It’s my chance to breathe, to sit without interruption, to find peace, READ and have a continuous thought all my own! (Notice a theme here?) I like being the only person awake in the quiet of our little home. Maybe it’s an introvert thing, but nighttime is MY TIME!

Okay, so someday (soon) I plan to grow up and get serious about sleep and taking care of myself. And when I do, I know (without a doubt) that Jesus will see me through. That and the threat of WRINKLES….

Night, night.

Ohhh, Christmas Tree!

Posted on January 4, 2015 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!—Charles Barnard

THE Christmas tree: Symbol of that oh so special holiday, proudly displayed each and every year in a place of prominence, carefully adorned with treasured and sentimental ornaments. A recognized hallmark of the Christmas season and the BANE of my Decembers. As our family always opts for the “real” variety (instead of the plastic trees of my childhood,) it seems that somewhere along the way a war has been waged between the Spencer family and THE tree. A battle that never fails to entertain and frustrate at the same time. This year proved no different.

So may I present to you our annual Christmas tree adventure–in song form! Oh yes, this year’s tree had us fooled…we REALLY thought this was THE perfect tree 🙂 Each family member convinced that we could avoid the typical end of the year evergreen hijinks. Fools we were, this tree had our number from Day 1.

THE tree on January 4, 2015. A little scraggly, still standing!

Still standing! We made it through December and into 2015. Sure, it’s a sight to be seen and my son is already begging me to “please, take it DOWN.” No, son, not yet. I promised my daughter I would try to have it down by the time her birthday rolls around (mid-January.) In the meantime, I will sip coffee and watch our once majestic tree transform into a scraggly shrub, daily picking up the ornaments (aided in their fall by the dog no less,) placing lights back onto the branches and taking bets on just how crooked it will get before it tips over (again)…and then, maybe then, I will take it down. I’m in no hurry. The whole ordeal has practically become its own Christmas tradition…a tradition I secretly wouldn’t trade for anything in the world! Ohhh, Christmas tree 🙂

Don’t measure the height of your Christmas tree. Measure the abundance of the love present in your heart! Have a blessed Christmas!–author unknown

WINK ;) Parents are Perpetual LOSERS (Looking for the Win Column)

Posted on September 6, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

“The first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest” – Unknown

I guess it’s fair to say that we’ve hit the “rocky stage.” It’s the craggy valley where your kids try your patience, serve up dozens of complaints, defy you at every turn, accuse you of the most outlandish things (like purposefully ruining their lives!) and all before Cheerios. I believe the marketing industry categorizes this phase of adolescence as “tween,” but that sounds a little too benign for this particular stage of development. And while I’m not sure how we got here, (as far as I can tell) there are no posted signs for the nearest exit. The most baffling part (at least for me) is that just when I think things can’t get any crazier and I start wondering who these children REALLY belong to, I find myself the recipient of a hug and a warm smile.

So what’s up? It’s the same old story. Only it seems all the more confusing since I’m the Mom actually living through it. I feel like the victim of some kind of psychological warfare, thus making it hard to balance what I know is age appropriate behavior with these outrageous episodes. I know enough to realize that I wasn’t the perfect child. Yet, I still seem to think that on so many levels I had to be a little easier than my two kiddos. “Can I have this? Can you get me that? If I do this, then will you…” (fill in the blank with some outlandish request), followed by, “Do I have to?” and “You CAN’T make me!” It’s like we stepped back in time and I’m the mother of toddlers again. Suddenly, the automatic kid response to everything is “No” accompanied with eye rolling (that’s new) and foot stomping. I shudder to think of what might happen if the two actually got along long enough to conspire against my husband and I. My sweet, darling daughter often takes her cues from her older brother which only seems to compound the problem. And whoever said that boys were easier than girls doesn’t know squat about my household. So what’s a Mom to do?

Basically, I pray a lot. I try to understand where they’re coming from and channel my own tween years. I take a deep breath and sometimes I actually have to ESCAPE to my happy place. I remind myself that parenting is not easy. In fact, it’s pretty much a thankless job. And I think that’s the part that bothers me the most. That’s the part that hurts so much. The lack of gratitude. These children have EVERYTHING. I’m not just talking about material things, these children absolutely have the whole, wide world laid out before them! My brain knows that their lack of gratitude isn’t something I should take personally, but still my heartstrings can’t help but feel heavy and pulled and sometimes even FRAYED at the end of the day. It’s tiresome, worrying and basically not much fun.

On bad days…well, it’s bad. Good days (as in 24 continuous hours of bliss) are hard to come by. That’s why I’m trying to hang on (and find hope in) the little things. I’ve secretly started calling these rare occurrences “Mom-tastic Moments.” They’re the small victories that I tuck into my heart and hold on to for dear life. They stack up like this….

Like with anything, the good times are unpredictable and unscheduled. The outrageous moments seem to happen at the most inconvenient times. And since this parenting thing doesn’t come naturally to me, I have to call upon my own life experiences to get by…and sometimes that makes for a parent-child disconnect. For example, I remember how much my husband laughed when he overheard me telling our newborn, “If this breastfeeding thing is going to work out, you’re going to have to learn to FOCUS.” Needless to say, my baby didn’t choose to listen to me (even at two days old) and we had to move on to bottle feeding. Short-term loss, long-term gain (the kid had to eat right?) And many years later, my rational approach to life still gets trumped by these two irrational beings. I’ve read all the books, researched and googled every problem, and (in desperation) I’ve even tried to reason with them! Most of which has gotten me nowhere. So while I’m still neck deep in this motherhood thing, here’s What I Now Know (WINK) about parenting:

THERE’S POWER IN NUMBERS. Don’t go at this parenting thing alone. I know the two parent household isn’t the norm for everyone, and that’s okay. As much as you can, involve the other parent, both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and even trusted friends. Role models do not have to be blood related. Many times things that I have harped on my kids about become an “aha” experience when the same advice comes out of the mouth of an adult other than myself. I’m way over feeding any sort of parenting ego…if there’s someone else who can aid my efforts and serve as a voice of reason, then by all means 🙂
MAKE YOUR EXPECTATIONS KNOWN. Not all things go as planned, but I’m slowly finding that if I speak up about what I expect from my kiddos then at least we’re all on the same page (if only for a brief second.) No–this doesn’t mean everything will go perfectly, but it’s better than having that horrible conversation after everything has gone wrong only to hear your child say to you, “Well, why didn’t you tell me that’s what you wanted in the beginning” or “I didn’t know that’s how it was supposed to go down.” Although they sometimes act like three-year olds, I find that things go a lot smoother when I approach them with clear “big kid” expectations.
DON’T TAKE EVERYTHING PERSONALLY. This is probably the hardest one. I really try to live by the golden rule. I’m not sure this is a priority for my kids…and I have to remind myself to cut them some slack. Science reminds us of all the growth and development that takes place in a child’s mind. Researchers have proven that a “mature,” functioning brain (complete with a rationale for risk taking) doesn’t exist until one’s early 20s. Obviously, they’re not going to be perfect. I often remind myself (and them) that we all have feelings, words and actions both speak volumes, and that we’re a family that LOVES each other. Some days are better than others.
IT’S OKAY TO BE A LOSER. This one is going to need some clarification. Remember how I mentioned short-term loss, long-term gain? That’s parenting in a nut shell. We lose a lot in this exchange: sleep, control, time, energy, money, arguments…and the list could go on and on. The gains don’t typically take place in the parenting trenches. Often times they come much (much) later. It’s a miracle to me that any of us signed up to do this! But then I think about the gains: smiles, hugs, love, and eventually…appreciation, respect, and wisdom 🙂 This is big picture stuff, and the big stuff never is (and maybe shouldn’t be) easy.
CALL YOUR MOM (a lot.) She has a way of putting things into focus. My mom reminds me that I’m not the first mother to go through this and that it’s all NORMAL. I need to hear it and you probably do, too! Mothers who have graduated into “grandmotherhood” have an insight and a perspective that just cannot be matched. Besides, acknowledging your mother’s hard-earned wisdom is a heartwarming way of showing your mother how much you love and appreciate her…even if it took you decades to get there! No one person has had more influence on my life than my mom…and she deserves to know that!

I am far from the perfect parent. There are still days when I’m as far away from the win column as any one person can get. I lose my cool more often that I like. But, like most of us, I’m in it for the long haul–these kids have my whole heart 🙂 For some crazy reason, (as irrational as it sounds) I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And when my children are 40…well, maybe (just maybe) I’ll get that win column tally mark I’ve been waiting for…. Hope you get yours, too!

😉 What I Now Know (W.I.N.K.) is a recurring entry on this blog. The idea of WINK as an acronym popped into my head the other day while I was doing laundry. You see, aside from being a slave to housework I actually have quite a bit of knowledge filed away in my overworked brain. While I don’t claim to be an expert on anything, I know something about a few subjects that just might be worth sharing. And just like that this new blog idea was born–WINK (What I Now Know). I hope to share a little bit of what I’ve learned as a daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother and all-around regular, ordinary girl. Look for ongoing posts, but What I Now Know (as a busy wife and mother) is not to promise weekly entries because life happens– and it usually happens when I want to blog! (Here’s where if I could wink at you, I WOULD.)

Back to School Essentials (7 Must Haves You Won’t Find on Any School Supply List)

Posted on August 15, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

Casey First Day of School 2009

It’s that time of year! And the back to school vibe is so pervasive you can practically smell it…(and it ain’t rosy!) Alarm clocks set, buses running, backpacks on and lunches packed, this is show time! So whether you’re Best Dressed or Total Mess, Ready Freddie or Nervous Nelly, the school bell’s ringing and there’s no stopping it. Like most dutiful moms, I’ve done the shopping and the supply gathering, made sure the kiddos have been the recipients of stylish haircuts and good shoes, and we’ve definitely run the gauntlet when it comes to Back to School Night. Still, there’s a few things that I wish I could bundle up and tuck into the backpacks of my children (and every child for that matter.) You won’t find them on the shelf at any discount store, but they might just make all the difference. So load up on these seven BIG back to school necessities….

1. To Thine Own Self Be True. Let’s motivate our children to walk into the classroom with a sense of self. Remind your children WHO they are and WHAT they stand for. Let’s be authentic and real with one another, forget the game playing. The mean girls garbage, the bullying and the backbiting. A good majority of us are capable (even at a young age) of understanding what is acceptable and what isn’t. Parents be an example.

2. Be Kind, Rewind. Remember this saying from the days of video rentals and VCR’s? Might I suggest that we urge our children to adopt this little mantra as a way of extending grace to one another and ourselves? One of my favorite exercises in kindness invites us to think BEFORE we speak. We can effectively offer kindness by pausing to check ourselves, especially when dealing with a difficult person. PAUSE…and ask, “How does this sound out loud? Am I treating others the way I want to be treated?” I often remind my kiddos to be kind to themselves, too. Sometimes we’re our own worst critic. Kindness is a wonderful gift.

Sean First Day of School 2005

3. Mind Your Zzzz’s and Eat Your Peas. Do your children a favor and help them develop healthy eating and sleeping habits. Numerous studies show that students learn better and have a more positive school experience when they get enough sleep and eat regular, nutritious meals. I’m just as guilty as the next Mom. McDonald’s is soooo easy and convenient and one more episode of their favorite show won’t hurt…or will it? Remember, grown-ups, we ARE in charge!

4. Game Plan. Having a strategy for homework, school projects and extra-curricular activities is vital to maintaining a sane household. We’ve all had that child come home and have a breakdown because they’ve procrastinated on a project, didn’t pay attention to a lesson in class, or flat out fell behind. Let’s encourage our children to be proactive, make a schedule and take pride in all that they do.

5. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously. This applies to kiddos AND parents. There’s nothing like laughter to diffuse a tense situation. Finding the joy and the fun in life is critical to a person’s overall well-being. Make time to laugh, giggle and create good times (and good memories) with one another. Remember, it’s not all rocket science.

6. Your Loved Ones Have Your Back. There’s nothing quite so overwhelming and utterly terrifying as feeling alone and like no one understands. Create an atmosphere in your home and in your relationships where each person knows their value and worth. Most parents (guardians and caregivers) would go to any length to protect the children they love. I want my children to succeed and you want your children to succeed, too. Fostering a safe and loving environment can be the catalyst that moves a child in a positive direction.

7. You Gotta Have Faith. We’ve all heard the term separation of church and state, as well as the countless other arguments about keeping religion out of school. Fine, but that doesn’t mean you have to leave your personal faith in the school parking lot. Let’s remind our kids that God is present and active in our daily lives, not just at home or at church, but all the time. It’s okay to carry your Christian values into the school building. Christ’s example of grace, mercy and love will be a welcome addition to any education environment. Looking out for one’s neighbor, a spirit of forgiveness, and a desire to treat each other justly and with respect will make any school year one to remember. I tell my children it’s perfectly acceptable to say a silent prayer before a tough test, for a classmate going through a trying time and especially for our teachers and administrators. In our home, we pray for our schools, our classmates and teachers before bed each night…why would we stop between the hours of 8am and 3pm during the week? I want my kiddos to know that there is a 24/7 God who knows each of us, loves us dearly and has a wonderful plan and purpose for our lives.

So as we snap and post those first day of school photos, let’s be intentional about making this THE school year where we put first things first and load up on all the essentials for our best school experience yet (kiddos and parents alike!) 🙂

Intelligence plus character…that is the goal of true education. –Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

What About Bob? (aka A Fire Belly Toad Love Story)

Posted on July 26, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

No one has greater love than this, that one should lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Love is a funny thing. It will make you take insane risks. You’ll find yourself in unbelievable circumstances. And sometimes, yes sometimes, love will cost you absolutely everything! But let me back up a little bit because every good love story needs a little background.

Sean Brings Home Pet Toad–August 2010

So, a little boy showed up at school one day with a toad in a small plastic habitat. And in “monkey see, monkey do” fashion, my son had to have one, too. And since his birthday was coming up (and since I’ve been known to slip into moments of complete mom idiocy) we decided to add to our family. After a trip into Wichita a purchase was made in a somewhat questionable pet establishment in an equally suspect part of the city. The sales fella assured us that this was an easy enough pet to care for and that our new fire belly toad would happily enjoy the little plastic habitat that we had already purchased at Toys R Us. (FYI: living creatures almost never thrive in plastic containers.)

So, Todd the Toad moved into my son’s bedroom. WAIT…I forgot to mention that fire belly toads (which are poisonous by the way…so should have looked that up before we brought it home) also need LIVE crickets every 3-4 days. Okay–if you have never seen a toad devour a cricket you might be surprised to discover that it’s pretty amazing and just as cool as some of the things you’ll see on Animal Planet, except that it’s happening right in front of YOUR face! So Todd would entertain us during feeding time, but that was about the extent of it. And since this particular toad didn’t have much of an appetite, more crickets drown than actually made it into his mouth. And this was a problem because cleaning this little plastic habitat became not only necessary, but also quite gross. To top it all off, poor Todd wasn’t thriving. He seemed miserable, sad and scared. My only thought at the time was: please, please don’t let us kill Sean’s birthday present! Something had to be done and thus another moment of mom idiocy ensued.

Google is one of my best friends. It wasn’t long before I had loads of info and armed with knowledge we headed back to a different pet store (in a better part of town) and looked for a whole new set up AND a companion toad (because two is always better than one and who doesn’t need someone to pal around with? I know, even more mom idiocy!) Almost $100 dollars later, we were set up with a new industrial terrarium and cover, a special light bulb, a new lamp, spring water, an electric thermostat and even a little greenery and log to keep our toad chums happy. The children were ecstatic and tossed names back and forth on the drive home. They settled on Bob and Todd because it sounded like good radio DJ names (???) and the dynamic toad duo settled into their new digs. We are such good parents 🙂

Bob and Trudy at home in their new habitat.

Bob and Trudy at home. Bob is bright green and on the left. Trudy is dark green and on the right.

So here’s where the actual love story begins…you thought I forgot? Within a week my son had a few questions. There’s nothing quite like the “birds and bees conversation” presenting itself when you least expect it. After a very matter-of-fact talking to…Todd was renamed Trudy and my daughter declared the two “married.” Casey began praying for baby toads while I couldn’t believe what we had gotten ourselves into. Back to Google…more research needed to be done. (I am pleased to report that we were NEVER blessed with the “pitter-patter” of tadpoles!)

Bob and Trudy were quite the pair and displayed text-book fire belly toad characteristics. Trudy was quite docile and ended up being much smaller in size than Bob. Her skin stayed dark in color and she would secrete the poisonous milky fluid that wards off predators whenever she became frightened or uneasy. Bob on the other hand ate like a champ, his skin color would fluctuate between various shades of green according to his male hormones, and he frequently “barked” through the night to communicate with his beloved Trudy. (The barking sounds like a high-pitched dog bark, but it is so faint that for weeks we thought our neighbors must have purchased a small canine.) Bob was very protective and frequently “bowed up” when we would get too close or stare a little too long at the goings on in the tank. However, Bob displayed one unusual characteristic…while Trudy would hide and bury herself in the rocks, Bob was always trying to escape. On more than one occasion we would find Bob tucked up in the top corner, trying to get out. Although the crickets did manage to escape the terrarium on a regular basis, it basically seemed impossible that Bob could ever get out. He was easily bigger than Trudy but still small for an amphibian (2-3 inches at best) and the tiny crack that separated the cover from the terrarium was just too narrow. Bob wasn’t anywhere close to strong enough to move it on his own. It just couldn’t happen, right? Yet, he continued to try. We imagined he was on a quest to take his beloved Trudy and blow this popsicle stand…aka our house.

These antics played out day after day, month after month, and eventually year after year. We became regulars at the pet store (our frequent cricket purchases earning us occasional freebies) and we became experts at fire-belly toad behavior and habitat maintenance. These tiny toads became members of the family. They were my son’s roommates. We learned to recognize their barks and moods. We had to arrange care for them whenever we traveled. Not to mention, our dog was extremely jealous of his pet brother and sister. Like any family member, they were thought of and cared for on a daily basis. So imagine our surprise when sweet, little Trudy started slowing down. She would bury herself in the rocks for days now or hide in the log. While she was never the most active toad, her lethargy became worrisome. When she stopped eating, we feared the worse. We were about to lose a member of our little family.

We had lost ants (and countless other bugs) and a Beta fish named Swimmy, but on some level we all knew this would be different. We had cared (and dare I say loved) the toads for quite some time. They really were a part of our every day. I wondered how the kids would take it. Would they cry? What kind of questions would they have about death? And heaven? And ultimately, our Great Creator? I’ve read countless articles about the important lessons we learn through our pets and that death is a part of the life cycle that we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about. And while all of this was milling about in my mind another thought occurred to me, what about Bob?

I wish I could say that we had plenty of time to delve into the subject of death and loss, but we didn’t. Trudy’s time had come. And afterward, Bob barked and barked and he continued to try to escape. And it wasn’t but a blink after Trudy passed away that her companion, her partner, her protector, her “husband” (my daughter pronounced them married, remember) went missing. MISSING! A poisonous toad was lost somewhere in our house. Good gravy.

Of course, the kids were distraught. Bob just had to be found. How could he have possibly escaped? They couldn’t lose BOTH of them. It was too much. We searched the tank…uncovering rocks and logs and faux plant life. Nothing. We searched the bedroom. Under things, behind things, and around things. Nothing. We systematically began searching the next closest bedroom, closet and hallway. Finally, the thought occurred to us. If Bob did manage to escape, would our dog have eaten him? I know it’s gross, but we were in sleuth mode and had to check off all the boxes. My husband made a quick call to the vet and we waited, but Maddie (the dog) was as healthy as ever. And no Bob.

After a week all hope was lost. We gave up. We wondered if some how he managed to make it out of the house. And the question became, if he did–how long could he survive? We cleaned out the tank. Repurposed the table it sat upon and eventually moved on with life.

Every once in a while the toad topic would come up. Everyone had a theory. 1) Bob just couldn’t live without Trudy. 2) He escaped in a desperate effort to find her. 3) He met his doom in the belly of our dog. 4) Or….he some how managed to make it outside..found freedom and made a new life for himself. 5) Perhaps, he was eaten by the crickets (I know this one sounds extremely far-fetched, but research shows that the crickets can and will turn on a predator and in large numbers crickets can actually take a small toad down.) We just didn’t know, until…well, until we DID know.

About half a year later, I discovered Bob (or what was left of Bob) shriveled and flattened…hidden under a pair of old baseball cleats in the far corner of my son’s closet. Now, before you think I’m a bad housekeeper I must say that YES…we had searched that closet dozens of times, YES…Sean regularly gets in and out of his closet, and NO we are not like many on the popular Hoarders TV show who neglect their surroundings to the point that critters frequently die and go unnoticed for months at a time. I don’t know how Bob made it across the room. I don’t know how long he survived in that closest (he would have needed a food source, water and tropical temperatures.) What I do know is that he was found, the mystery was solved and my heart was heavy. The love story was over.

RIP: Bob the Toad

Those itty-bitty toads taught me many things. First of all, I never thought I could love such exotic, and let’s be honest–ugly, creatures. I didn’t think that something so small and needy would ever survive in our care! I couldn’t imagine what a time commitment they would be or how much fun it would be watching them grow, play and change. These tiny creatures were awesome in so many ways. It is just another example of a truly amazing Creator! How could I have known that these toads (like children) thrive in routine and schedules, they’re very social and live in a communal setting in nature, they pair up and protect one another, and at the same time they are remarkably equipped to protect themselves from predators of every kind? They were such a wonderful example of a committed love relationship. And in many ways they came into our lives at just the right time…their parting prepared us for difficult moments to come. It still blows my mind.

Love truly is a funny thing. It will make you take insane risks. You’ll find yourself in unbelievable circumstances. And sometimes, yes sometimes, love will cost you absolutely everything! What a wonderful lesson for our whole family. In the past few years we have experienced loss (unfortunately, on more than one occasion) and as we grieved it occurs to me that while acknowledging the death we have also celebrated the LOVE. The love of family and dear friends. Of course it hasn’t been easy (it never is,) but I think we honor those who have gone on when we remember them well. We still talk about the toads. In fact, as I was writing this, I wondered did I ever take photos of them? Will there be images to keep their tiny spirits and their special story alive? And to my delight, I found many pictures and thus, many happy memories.

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. –Helen Keller

Summer’s Last Hurrah! (My Top 10–This Just Got Real)

Posted on July 23, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

Vacation Flashback: S’mores with Aunt Tricia

Every summer has a story. –Unknown

Summer never looks so good as it does on the last day of school! Like a brand new penny, summertime is all shiny, a token of possibilities just waiting to be spent 🙂 Back in May, we anxiously awaited days of unscheduled fun and endless adventure (not to mention the joy of “forgetting” to set the alarm clock!) In so many ways I was more excited about summer than my kids…the monotony of pick up/drop off and the constant scheduling/rescheduling of team practices, medical appointments, school projects, etc…. And while it’s not my favorite season of the year, summer was sure sounding pretty good! In theory, I was willing to overlook the scorching temperatures, bugs and the chaos that is the spontaneity of summer. I planned (funny, huh?) on enjoying it all and loosening the reins of my control freak lifestyle. Feel free to laugh at me….

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Oh yeah…THE SNOW CONE!

Now that the end of July has rolled around (and the school supplies have debuted at the local stores,) I realize that this summer has been anything but the relaxing, carefree season I imagined. Don’t get me wrong. I’m NOT complaining. I spent the better part of the summer watching my children grow and learn on the baseball/softball diamond. We’ve squeezed in sleepovers, sports camps, swim lessons, and Vacation Bible School. My “Camp MOM” program has netted the children a few prizes while propelling (okay, FORCING) them to look at Scripture in a new and exciting (?) way. We’ve easily eaten our weight in Dairy Queen ice cream and discovered the addiction that is THE SNOW CONE! We’ve managed to eke out a little pool time (NEVER enough for my kids.) And we made our way to Grandma and Grandpa’s for a little family visit. All very good things! Still, I feel a little incomplete. The busyness of summer has me feeling like we missed out on the lazy, less hurried parts of the season. Frankly, we’re running out of days and there’s still more on my list.

So here and now, I’m putting out for all to see MY Summer Wish List…because summer break is all about the parents, right? Forget about the kids (not really!) Here goes nothing:

1. Catch fireflies in a pickle jar. Might as well be specific 🙂 Don’t worry, catch and RELEASE!

2. Stargazing. My opportunity to impress my kiddos with my vast knowledge of constellations. Yeah, right.

3. Drive in movie. This is a tough one because I don’t really like sitting through movies…it’s a huge time investment. Equally problematic is that I’m REALLY picky about the movies that I watch. Cross your fingers.

4. Road trip. Okay, if you know us…then you’re already aware that we’ve been on the road for baseball tournaments this summer. Those don’t count. I want to go see nature…(I can’t believe I uttered those words!) I’m thinking State Park adventure 🙂

5. S’mores. Enough said. Throw in a couple of campfire songs and we just might call this one EPIC!

6. Eat outside. I don’t know why, but I love to picnic. It goes against my ant phobia, but it’s really true. I enjoy dining outdoors.

7. Professional baseball game. This is already in the works! Hooray 🙂

8. Read three GOOD books. I’m sort of a nonfiction junky…and those are typically long reads. Managing to get through three would be heavenly. I’m still on book one.

9. Visit Lawrence, Kansas. Stroll down memory lane while reminding my kids that they can choose any college they want (as long as I approve of it.)

10. Go to the zoo. Because it’s fun and I like Orangutans (a lot.)

Okay, people. There it is. And since time stops for no one, I needed to get started on this list YESTERDAY. Because while summer technically goes through September, my kiddos start school in mid-August.

Summertime is always the best of what might be. -Charles Bowden

UPDATE 8/2014: Completed 9 out of the 10. Not bad 🙂

Desperately Seeking Female Role Models (Celebrities Need Not Apply)

Posted on July 14, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

Like a gold ring in a pig’s nose is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. Proverbs 11:22

I’m not the first mother to wonder about my kid’s choices in role models. And I’m not writing this because my daughter has suddenly gone all Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus or (insert your favorite female celebrity villain here.) Still, it has come to my attention recently that being a lady isn’t really high on anyone’s priority list anymore. So much so that recently when I told my daughter that a certain behavior was not “lady like,” she looked at me with a puzzled expression. Mom fail 😦

The era of fairy tales: My sweet princess at age 4.

Here’s the problem: I’m her mother. And one of the things I pride myself on is being a lady. Yet my daughter seems pretty unaffected, confused, (and quite possibly) doesn’t care about what that means. I’ve been told that as a mother, I am my daughter’s primary influence and still, I’m not seeing the fruit of my labor. I feel like I’m losing the battle in a war where I thought we were all on the same side. And by we, I mean women. Turns out the rules of engagement have changed–BIG TIME. So maybe I need to come up with a new strategy…and I need YOUR help.

The whole dilemma requires a little sorting out. When I think about what it means to be a lady, I will admit that the first couple of things that come to mind are superficial, you know, surface stuff. Good manners, age appropriate dress, polite disposition…you get the drift. I can hear the groans now–THIS ISN’T 1950. To which I have to say, I know and I’m not trying to make a case for going back to that decade (and for your information I wasn’t even alive then, either.) But I think there is something to be said for these external characteristics, because like it or not they demonstrate the heart and spirit of a person. For example, good manners are the outward expression of one who puts others above themselves and exhibits generosity and kindness. This person is not a pushover, soft or a “goody goody” as my daughter might call them. (BTW, in kid speak a “goody goody” is a derogative term and means that someone is only pretending to be proper.) Good manners reflect a common courtesy, demonstrate a love for one’s neighbor, and reflect a sense of personal pride. I hold these things in high regard and I don’t often see them in young people. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to see young girls swearing, name calling, belching, lying, dressing provocatively and flat-out acting anything but lady like! And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Sure, females can do anything that males can do, but I still think an argument can be made for being the “fairer” sex. (And that doesn’t mean letting the guys of the hook for their lack of decorum, but that’s another post.)

I want my daughter to say please and thank you, to acknowledge someone when they walk into or exit a room, to know how to sit in a dress, to make eye contact with adults, to speak and not yell, to chew her food without putting it on display for the world, to treat others justly and with respect all while having combed (tangle free) hair and a good attitude (no white pearls required.) Instead, I see her influenced by her rough and tumble brother, her peers, music that glamorizes booty shaking and countless television shows where kids make the rules and adults are portrayed as irrelevant idiots. Girls are depicted as shallow, devious, backbiters who will stop at nothing to get ahead and put others down in the process. If we reap what we sow, what exactly are we setting our children up for? In no way, shape or form, will I give up on my little girl or the girls of the world for that matter. I refuse to rely on the school, church, social clubs, media, or society to raise my kids…but I’m not above asking for their help or support. We are in this together.

I know this won’t be wildly popular. Accountability never is. But holding our young girls to something better is important. I want my daughter (and yours) to be confident, caring, strong, and intelligent all while being afforded every good opportunity that the world has to offer. I want our little girls to be taken seriously and to know their worth isn’t based on how pretty or thin society judges them to be. I don’t want our girls to derive their power from sex and provocativeness in the way that so many of today’s celebrities do. Similarly, girls do not need to tear down other girls to make themselves standout. Our girls are worth so much more than that. At the same time, I want them to take pride in who they are on the inside and outside without feeling like they have to act like males to get ahead in this world. If we can live in a culture that claims to celebrate diversity, then why can’t we live in a world where acting like a lady isn’t a negative or a slam against women?

A lady exudes grace. A lady stands out in a room for all the right reasons. Her life and the way she carries herself speak to her great character. A lady is powerful and others are drawn to her strength. I feel like the lines were so much clearer 20 years ago. Somewhere we have blurred the boundaries and gotten off track. My little girl is special (and so is yours!) I want her to grow up in a society where men hold the doors open for women, swearing like a sailor is actually left to the sailors, gentlemen who wish to court my daughter come to the door to meet her parents, and she is valued for the jewel that she is. I pray she is not influenced by cleavage and short shorts at every turn, feels that she has to keep up with the boys to be taken seriously, yell or be rude to voice her opinions or settle for anything less than a gentlemen.

I need your help. Please be the tasteful, responsible, smart and beautiful women that I know you can be. Hold yourself accountable for all the little ones out there. They are so easily influenced and if you sell yourself short, you are not only letting yourself down, but you’re providing a disservice to little girls everywhere. I remember when my daughter was tiny and she dressed as a princess and believed she was really something special. Some days that tiara never came off! She even went through a spell where she wore a white pearl necklace (a la June Cleaver) with every outfit, everyday. She was royalty and not the diva-like, spotlight seeking, entitled, stop at nothing to get ahead females we see today. Just a precious child who believed she could do and be anything. Somewhere along the way she realized that real princesses don’t exist and was left to settle for the ways of the world. And so today, I’m desperately seeking female role models who will represent women in a positive light. Women who will be real, authentic, elegant, modest, smart, athletic, and all around awesome! I want my daughter to see these women at the grocery store, at school, at the ballpark, in politics, on television…basically everywhere. And I want her to want to be a lady, not because her mother told her to, but because as the quote goes, “being a female is a matter of birth, being a woman is a matter of age, but being a lady is a matter of choice.”

http://www.playbuzz.com/katelynw11/how-ladylike-are-you

May Daze? (5 Suggestions for Summertime Sanity)

Posted on May 27, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp. —Raymond Duncan

In case you were wondering, I just might have an inside track on why this Mother’s Day thing lands in May. This made-up homage to matriarchs across the country is every Mom’s safety net for surviving this crazy month! End of school activities, assignments and field trips, music programs, award ceremonies, graduations, and even sport practices and games…managing each of these calendar fillers is no small task. And, sorry fellas, many times this falls on a Mother’s to do list. So it makes sense that Moms everywhere get this ONE day…filled with cards and sentiment, meals prepared in our honor, flowers and gifts. We are conveniently recognized and fussed over just before the ax drops–that’s right…I’m talking about SUMMER break!

Back in the EASY days of summer. May 2009

Back in the EASY days of summer…when a “doggie” sprinkler could make them happy. (May 2009)

Don’t get me wrong…school’s out! Thank goodness. I mean, I know the kids are happy…and I’m pretty excited, too. No longer will I be a slave to the alarm clock. I’m done packing lunches for the time being (the occasional picnic aside.) I don’t have to arrange appointments, pick-ups, drop-offs, meetings, haircuts, etc… according to the school calendar. We can linger over lunch and enjoy late dinners. Yes, it’s summer and that’s a good thing…at least it is on most days. Because in reality, summer is a lot of work . Hear me out…I love the idea of having the kids home with me. It’s our chance to hang out together, talk and reconnect, try new things and visit favorite places. But we’re less than a week in and I’m already starting to notice a few things:

First, I might be in control of this ship but my crew has pretty loud opinions about where I’m leading.

Second, we don’t necessary have the same idea of fun anymore. It wasn’t long ago when the local library provided a lot of our summer entertainment. I have one child (who shall remain nameless) who is balking at the notion that reading is fun. It goes something like this, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH READING I HAVE TO DO AT SCHOOL?” Followed by a look of exasperation and disbelief 😦

Third, hanging out in the backyard with bubbles and sidewalk chalk doesn’t cut it. Since when? I’m an adult and I STILL love bubbles and sidewalk chalk! But no, apparently this isn’t cool anymore. I’m learning that the only permissible backyard fun includes water balloons and half the neighborhood.

Fourth, boys and girls. I’m still trying to figure this one out. Sometimes it’s acceptable for boys and girls to hang out together. Other times suggesting such an idea will garner a look that turns you into stone. If somebody has the lowdown on this one…please let me know!

Fifth, here’s a newsflash…. Gone are the days when my children choose each other as their best playmate. Instead, every activity must involve FRIENDS! I know my kids are getting older (middle school and upper elementary,) but can’t they at least fake getting along with each other? And how about throwing this into the mix: My brother advised me just a few weeks ago that having people over at your own house is the BEST way to keep tabs on your kids and their friends. This win-win scenario (???) means that we get to be the “fun” house and maintain some kind of control over our kiddos and their activities. I’ll have to get back to you on that one….

In an attempt to make peace in our house, I’ve established a few Summer Rules. Gentle reminders that (honestly) are always in place, but managed to make their way onto the kitchen whiteboard for emphasis. Look, I have good kids…but let’s face it, we’re all works in progress. I heard a radio program the other day that suggested that parents should focus more on raising GOOD PEOPLE rather than SUCCESSFUL BRATS. Sign me up! I bought the t-shirt on the proud parent thing…wore it a few times and put it in a drawer. It’s not that I don’t think my kids are the greatest (I do), but these days I’m opting for a more realistic approach to my “momness.” More like a, “Yep, those are my kiddos–good and bad.” Indeed, we are in this for the long haul.

So here’s my plan for Summertime Sanity. It’s not rocket science and we all probably know these things, but sometimes putting them out there helps the cause. So here goes:

1. Pray, not just often, but more like ALL the time. I’m not really all that concerned with being the perfect parent, but I do want to honor God in my role as a mother. I believe He has blessed me with two precious children and I want to do all that I can to show them God’s love and grace through Jesus’ example.

2. Remember that it’s okay to say NO! Sometimes it seems easier to give in…especially after a long (long) day. It’s at this point that I try to remind myself that I ultimately know what’s best for them. For the most part, they know that asking repeatedly will not change my mind. When they were very young I would tell them that begging was absolutely unacceptable and it would equate to not only NO right now, but NO in the future as well.

3. Less is more. We don’t have to fill up every single second of summer with activities. Many parenting experts have warned us about the hazards of over-scheduling. I know for myself that it’s in these unscripted moments where I find my kids singing silly songs, making up games and otherwise just getting along (even if it’s only for five minutes.)

4. Look for the lessons. The more time you spend with your kids, the more opportunities you have to be the teacher. Some of my favorite moments with my kids have occurred in front of the TV, at the movies, or while listening to the radio. I like to ask them what they think the show/song is trying to say, what they know about the actor/artist, and I encourage them to put on their “God goggles” and find a spiritual message in whatever we’re watching/listening to. Sure, they sometimes cry “buzz kill,” but other times it sparks some pretty interesting conversation.

5. Love on them. Extra time together means extra hugs and kisses. Extra moments to sit next to or across from each other. Extra hair ruffling (for my son) and extra hand-holding (for my daughter.) Time is precious…do not let these moments pass you by.

I fully anticipate an eventful summer…one with both ups and downs. There will be ballgames, swim lessons, Vacation Bible School, youth group events, and small getaways. We’ll get along, not get along, all out fight and occasionally enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes I’ll say no, other times yes and we’ll all move on. I’m not interested in being a BFF, but instead I’m focusing on being M-O-M…plain and simple. I will anticipate the best and get over everything else. I can’t promise complete flexibility, but I will try hard not to be a total control freak. And when fall rolls around I fully believe that we will be able to point to shared highlights and lots of good memories.

Here’s to the best summer yet!!!

Gonna Make My Black Thumb Green (aka A Lesson in Faith Planting)

Posted on April 5, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them. Liberty Hyde Bailey

I didn’t just believe that I had a black thumb, I had confirmed it…time and TIME again. You probably think that I’m exaggerating, but it’s a well documented fact. Have you ever had someone take a plant AWAY from you? Yes, that has happened to me (and not just once.) I was a cold-blooded plant killer and I’m not proud of it. I wanted to be able to grow things, I really did. I potted, watered, and adjusted for sunlight and shade. I wasn’t above asking for help, checking out library books and looking up tips on the internet. It just wasn’t my knack and, honestly…hey, I was cool with that. But for some unknown reason, people kept giving me plants (I think that happens when you move as often as we have…let’s face it, a plant is a pretty safe “welcoming” gift.) In defense of these plant-bearing gift givers, I realize that you all had no idea what these little green treasures were in store for once they were under my care 🙂

Fast forward several years and while I’m certainly no green thumb, I’m not quite the plant killing queen that I used to be. So, I still can’t grow ANYTHING from a seed, but I have managed to keep three plants alive (and mostly thriving.) One plant has actually been around for nearly five years and I’m proud to report that it has somehow managed to survive three repotting stints as well. (Yes, it’s the little things.) In fact, I actually purchased a plant (my first time) just last month and so far…well, so good. I think my mother-in-law would be so surprised and my mom, well I’m sure she can just hardly believe it’s true! (The black thumb thing runs in the family.)

Thinking about this shift in my gardening abilities reminds me of another change in my life. This one pertaining to my faith in God. While I’ve been a believer just about as long as I can remember, I was never really comfortable sharing that faith. To be honest, I didn’t know how. As a kid I can remember occasionally going to church, however, I really didn’t have any formal faith upbringing. Despite all this, I considered myself a hard-core, pint-size prayer warrior (and I’m not even sure that was a term at the time.) I prayed about anything and everything. My overactive imagination, news junkie status (even as a kid) and an overwhelming realization that we lived in a broken and scary world would occupy my thoughts from the time my head hit the pillow until dawn. So often I found peace and comfort in prayer and somehow knew that there was a great, big God out there who loved and cared about me.

In time, those little prayers eventually turned into a desire to read the Bible…which gets easier once you learn how to read and possess a vocabulary. By the time I was in high school I was working on reading the Bible all the way through. I would read one chapter a night before bed–and I don’t think anyone ever knew. I really didn’t talk about it. I just did it. Looking back, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t understand much of what I read. I just felt called to do it. And when I finished, I started over. Look, I’m no theological scholar and I certainly didn’t consider myself holier than my teenage counterparts. All I know is that the more I learned about God, the more my love for Him continued to grow.

I wish I could say that my Bible reading led me into church as a young adult. It didn’t. Of course, I did do a lot of praying in college…it WAS college after all!!! I had tests to pray for, temptations to avoid, friends who needed help, and then of course there was safety and an entire crazy world out there to worry about. I think in some ways my desire to get into journalism was a love for writing tied into an off shoot of a faith that I was trying to figure out. My end goal in my pursuit to become a reporter was always to make the world a better place. I wholeheartedly believe that knowledge is power. I thought if we could just gain an awareness for the people in our neighborhoods, community and world that we would all have our hearts transformed–we could BE BETTER and DO BETTER. Little did I know that this warm stirring that I so desperately wanted to impart on the hearts of others was in line with a desire to share with the planet the God that I was coming to know.

My faith journey goes on from there, but those early years–the faith planting years–came to mind today as I watered and tended to my plants. Now, I look forward to attending church every Sunday (actually I’m something of a church nerd as I love visiting new churches whenever I can.) I also love being a ministry volunteer and a pastor’s wife. I continue to read and pray and discover more ways to draw closer to God. I often thank God for putting people in my life to inspire and encourage me to pursue this faith. What I once kept guarded and close to my heart, I now openly talk about. I’m not afraid to share what I know about God. In fact, I feel called to talk about Him often…especially with young people. I remind them (and myself) that it takes time to develop and foster any kind of worthwhile relationship. The same is true with faith. The world won’t know about our awesome Creator, if someone (you? me?) doesn’t share it with them. I still wholeheartedly believe knowledge is power. And if faith and following Jesus is the most powerful choice we can make in our lifetime, I want every person to have that option.

I can’t tell you what a blessing it is to have my children grow up in the church. Faith planted…I see their early development (and that of their peers) tended to by good men and women whose lives serve as living testimonies to faith in a mighty God and who desire nothing more than the same for my kiddos and others. In this season of my life, this is where I focus my attention. What a blessing it is to witness a child’s heart discovering God for the first time. Connecting with a young person and letting them know that there is a Creator who loves them. Sharing scripture and Bible lessons with new believers and fostering the kind of environment that says there is so much more out there for each of us. Seeing Christ’s love influence the thoughts and actions in so many young ones…well, it takes my breath away.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have an opportunity or even the ability to share and witness faith like this. I didn’t think I was capable or qualified. I didn’t think I could GROW into that person. God had a better idea and I really can’t wait to see what blooms as a result.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.

2 Corinthians 9:10-11 The Message

February…How Do I LOVE Thee? (Song 11 in the Countdown)

Posted on February 12, 2014 by Anna Ortiz Spencer

Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul: Song 11

Love is….knowing that I’m with you every step of the way (whether you like it or not.) –me

Love, laughter and loyalty. No, I’m not trying to impress you with some fancy alliteration; I’m simply listing the makings of a solid relationship. If we’re honest, we all know that love really isn’t enough. Sure, they say love can move mountains, it knows no boundaries, and it can conquer all, but there are too many instances out there where love alone is nothing more than a starting place.

Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me” addresses a cornerstone of any long lasting relationship—loyalty. Most of us can recall a time when someone’s unfaithfulness has brought us to our knees. Only time can heal those type of wounds. And in order for a relationship to truly have a solid foundation it has to be built on a mutual trust. Music historians say that King’s song was inspired by an old spiritual as well as the words of Psalm 46:2-3. This scripture expresses God’s willingness and His commitment to stand by His people through all things—both the highs and the lows. Loyalty and fidelity…having a confidence in the one who promises to love you everyday and in every way. This is the best kind of love.

Coming Up: Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul: Song 12

***This post is part of an ongoing series. As part of my cup half full approach to loving the month of February, I vow to jump in with both feet and embrace the whole Valentine thing with my own custom list of Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul. Ambitious? Yes! Bold? Absolutely! Crazy? You betcha! Pointless? On just about every level. Regardless, let’s give it a go—I mean it’s February and how else am I going to get through the coldest, bleakest, cloudiest, shortest (and longest at the same time) month on the calendar. Let the countdown to Valentine’s Day begin! I (gritting teeth) LOVE February, how about YOU?

hymningandhaing

balancing faith, family & a few dozen other things on the yellow brick road

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