Anna Claus Holiday Must Haves

Posted on December 1, 2019 by hymningandhaing

When you stop believing in Santa you get underwear. –unknown

Okay, so I’m not really a member of the official Santa Claus family, but Christmas is my FAVORITE time of the year! I am well versed in all the songs of the season, I know the “Code of Elves” verbatim and I’ve successfully completed several Christmas-themed Buzzfeed quizzes online. So OBVIOUSLY I’m practically an adopted member of the Claus household! As a self-appointed Christmas authority, I feel obligated to share these twelve little goodies with the planet to ensure you and yours experience your best Christmas yet! In no particular order, I cheerfully present to you Anna Claus Holiday Must Haves…

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris. I read this collection of short, satirical (and politically incorrect) stories every December for many, many reasons. Mostly because who doesn’t love the escapades of a grown man parading around Macy’s as an Elf, the unlikeliest Christmas Eve houseguest EVER and the snarkiest review of children’s Christmas pageants you’ll ever read? Nothing gets me in the holiday mood quite like this fun (and funny) book. Complete brain candy, it is good for continuous laughs.
Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas If you love jazzy, upbeat Christmas music this album is for you! The 60s style jazz offerings are traditional yet they possess that special “zing.” CAUTION: The “cool cat” vibe this album induces may cause scatting! Wonderful background music for doing just about anything holiday-related.
Candy Canes Nothing says Christmas like candy canes. Sweet and pepperminty I try to consume as many as possible. Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, it’s not unusual to find these tasty treats (and their tiny crumbs) in my purse, in my pockets or in my mouth!
Pandora’s Swingin’ Christmas Radio Station This is the ONLY internet radio station I listen to during the holidays. On the computer and on my phone this is my go-to background music for the holiday season. Here you’ll find everything from the Rat Pack Christmas album and Louis Armstrong offerings to Michael Buble and everyone in between.
Santa Hat (Reindeer Antlers optional) My all-time hat of choice, the Santa hat comes out right after Thanksgiving and lives among the coats all Christmas season long. This year I’ve decided to add reindeer antlers to the list of approved December head-gear. Very festive!
Starbucks Christmas Blend and Peet’s Holiday Blend Warm, sweet and spicy…this is what Christmas tastes like! For a coffee lover like myself this is a terrific blend that gets the day going…also serves as the perfect addition to an evening dessert. Would I like another cup? Of course!
Nativity Nativities set the scene for a Christ-centered holiday. Our family nativity is my all-time favorite and I love to share the story about how we acquired such a unique set. I also love visiting the homes of family and friends and seeing their nativity displays. Most times it leads to another wonderful story as well.
Cookie Baking I am probably guilty of too much cookie baking during this time of the year, but I love it!!! I wish we could live off Christmas cookies, but I’m afraid of what we might look like if I got my wish. Too many favorite cookies to name, I especially love making treats to give away to family and friends.
Hallmark Channel Christmas Movies The Christmas season would not be complete without the Hallmark Channel! Who can resist seeing all your favorite teen heartthrobs return in these fun and romantic Hallmark movies! Nothing says it’s officially Christmas like the picture-perfect Christmas towns and tales of true love conquering all. It’s the gift that keeps giving…round the clock with a new opportunity to spread a little holiday cheer every other hour!
Holiday Flicks My all-time favorite is It’s a Wonderful Life, a classic with the lovable Donna Reed and her screen beau, Jimmy Stewart. Watching the Charlie Brown Christmas is a must. I also like to sprinkle in a little Christmas with the Kranks, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story and Elf among others.
Christmas Lights Tour This is a tradition that goes way, way back for me. I can remember piling up in the car as a child and checking out the Christmas lights in my little hometown. Today, we continue to take (drag) our children out to look at the lights. This year we cranked our adventure up a notch with a Holiday Lights Scavenger Hunt. Great fun!
Snow Never a guarantee, but snow really makes it all perfect. It seems that whenever it snows the world seems to slow down a bit…offering us a moment to take in and savor everything around us. The holidays typically fly by…I need a little snow to take it all in.

A few honorable mentions to my list: holiday cards, cocoa, caroling and Christmas parades! They don’t call it the most wonderful time of the year for nothing. Wishing you the Merriest Christmas!

Parents’ Guide to the ULTIMATE 80s Summer (Your Kids Will Thank You)

Posted on May 31, 2019 by hymningandhaing

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. –Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

So, I’m thinking about putting my current mommy neuroticism on hold for just a bit and going with the flow this summer. Way? WAY! You see I was totally inspired (that’s “totes” inspired for you millennials) the other day by this clever blog about creating a ’70s style summer for ours kids. While I could absolutely relate to the writer’s top 10, the bulk of my childhood actually took place in the 80s…complete with jams, jelly shoes, Hypercolor t-shirts, mix-tapes and some of the best movies/television EVER! Thinking about that place in time brings back memories of super rad summers…chillin’ with choice family and friends, no grody schedules bringing us down, livin’ it up with totally tubular fashion, and maxing out with non-stop gnarly fun 🙂 Back then we turned our nose up at bogus rules and wigged out parents that just didn’t understand the 80s way of life. Dudes and dudettes, the 80s were BOSS and wouldn’t it be totally righteous of me to share those good times with my kiddos? Agreed? Cool beans.

Rockin’ the 80s look!

Here’s my take on the ULTIMATE 80s summer. Grab your shades, fetch your fingerless gloves, style that hair sky-high…and prepare for AWESOME. It’s going to be a tripendicular good time…major.

Wear what you want…how you want. Have you seen some of the styles from the 80s? Hideous, sure, but fun and unique every time. I don’t remember my folks saying, “cover up” or “that’s too revealing” because in the 80s it was about funky layers and mismatched everything. So Mom didn’t do laundry last night? Whatever, kid…you’re living in the 80s now and your faded gym shorts look good with that yellow button down shirt…just remember to pair it with your converse sneakers and a backwards ball cap. K-RAD.
Watch TV…a lot of TV…actually the same shows over and over. Back in the day nothing new came out in the summer on television. It was rerun city, baby, and I LOVED IT! I didn’t mind hitting the couch, remote in hand and settling in for rerun episodes of Three’s Company, The Facts of Life and Family Ties. So you’re replaying them during the show’s regular time slot? Still must see TV for me! Get hooked on my mom’s soap operas…there’s nothing else on, why not? HBO is showing Sixteen Candles for the third time today? I’m glued anyway. While I’m not on board with letting my kids get hooked on soaps, I see no harm in letting them binge watch some retro goodies like Boy Meets World, The Sandlot and Goonies. Excellent!
Drink Kool-Aid ALL DAY and eat your weight in Popsicles. They always tell you to stay hydrated…especially in the heat of summer. I know it sounds like a lot of sugar (and it is,) but that doesn’t mean anything to the 80s kid. Orange Kool-Aid (same color and “flavor” as juice) was perfectly acceptable at breakfast with a bowl of cereal and toast. The punch version was a staple at every birthday party I ever attended. Lemonade Kool-Aid was just as good as fresh-squeezed and PINK lemonade Kool-Aid was the beverage of choice for the uppity, preppie set. When you’re not sucking down this sugar-water, head on over to the freezer for a frozen treat. Popsicles are inexpensive and unless you want to risk brain freeze, they can kill a lot of time. Hands down…there is nothing like working on a grape popsicle while sitting on your front porch during a scorching hot, summer day, my friends. Go ahead, kiddos, enjoy (to the max!)
Sunglasses are a must…even indoors and ESPECIALLY at night. That’s right. Wear your shades, like all the time! Your specs speak volumes about who you are and what you stand for…sporty, goofy, cool and if you can pull off the flip-up sunglasses look…all the better! The coolest kids I knew during childhood had a pair for every day of the week (probably mallrats.) So come on kiddos, grab your plastic eyewear of choice and get your spec-tacular summer started.
Baseball and sunflower seeds. This pretty much sums up my existence during my childhood summers. This duo provided evening entertainment as well as a pseudo dinnertime meal. In the 80s we didn’t have all the fancy flavors they do now…we ate our salted sunflower seeds until our lips were swollen and we lost all feeling in our tongue. When we were done…we begged for more! This vicious cycle is never so appealing as when we’re camped out at the baseball diamond. Sure, you have those who prefer peanuts siting in the stands, but nothing really fills a hole (or maybe burns one in your throat) quite like sunflowers seeds. Bonus points on your 80s summer if you can score some Astro Pops at the ball park (those bad boys look soooo much cooler than they taste!)
The Astro Pop 🙂
Stargazing…oh, yeah. I can’t remember if we borrowed the telescope or if it was just handed down to us, but either way we were the luckiest kids on the block (even if we didn’t really know how to use the silly thing!) We spent countless nights outside on our back porch just checking out the moon and trying to spot planets among the stars. We looked for constellations and laid flat on the picnic table in our yard to take in all the night sky’s wonders. It was peaceful and totally stellar at the same time. Come on kids, put down your technology and open your eyes to something so much better! Shooting stars and meteor showers are just as mind-blowing today as they were in the 80s.
Brush up on your gaming skills, dude. No, I’m not talking about video games…I’m talking about real games…as in the type you gather around a table to play! Growing up in the 80s we took our games pretty seriously. Bragging rights were always at stake, occasionally money was involved, and sometimes a stupid dare was the prize. Either way, we played to win. All night Monopoly games, vicious games of Sorry and Battleship, and my favorite–card games. Nothing says summer like a knock down game of Spoons! This is definitely on my list for this summer. My kiddos need to learn this throw back game and maybe even how to throw a few elbows in the process…I said we play to win, remember.
Fun…on the cheap, duh. Ahhh, yes…the 80s were a good decade for America. As kids, most of us didn’t know that we were average middle class and that was okay. We didn’t expect new cars, designer clothes or the latest gadget. We were content with simple things and made the most of our days with basic, cheap fun. For example, we grew up without Supersoakers and Nerf water guns. The sprinkler and the garden hose provided all the fun we needed. Water balloon ambushing an unsuspecting friend walking into the backyard was good for a million laughs. I can remember neighborhood water wars…and when our rinky-dink water guns weren’t enough to win the battle we repurposed 2 liter soda bottles to soak each other to the bone. Make-shift water games and activities are the absolute best…and my kiddos have already started creating their own water fun with friends this summer. No pool required. For added inexpensive fun, check out free zoos (yes, they do exist,) state parks and road side attractions. You have not lived until you’ve had your photo taken with an extreme size, concrete animal or the world’s largest something or other! Homebodies can make a whole mess of fun with a good, old-fashioned watermelon feed…complete with seed-spitting contest. Go ahead, invite the neighbors.
Summer music playlist…for sure. In the 80s, a mix-tape took time and skill…and usually involved a pretty hip friend. Getting the hook-up on the latest songs sometimes meant that you had to listen to the radio and quickly hit the record button when your favorite jam came on. I remember countless tapes where I missed the first few beats of a song, you could hear the commercials or maybe even a little of the the DJ talking (pretty amateurish, I now, but whatevs.) I also remember the awesome feeling that came with getting a “real” mix tape, where someone with an elaborate music collection or DJ skills put together only the best. Rockin’ out in your bedroom with your boom box full blast…there’s nothing quite like it. A close second would be toolin’ around town with your Walkman in tow. Poolside fun requires just the right set of jams, too! When we were old enough to cruise Main Street the perfect mix tape could make or break the night. Today’s kiddos love music just as much and here’s where their technology could actually come in handy. With the swipe of a finger, kids can create their own, FREE summer music playlists or tap into ready-made lists on music streaming services like Spotify, Amazon Prime Music or Pandora. It amazes me just how much 80s music they already know thanks to pop culture, but the best part is when I pull up the old music videos for them to see with their own eyes! Thank you, YouTube. Let’s just say it’s good for a lot of laughs 🙂

So take a chill pill and relax. After all, savoring summer isn’t privy to just one decade. We can all take part in this bodacious ride! Summertime is where we write some of our best stories. It’s where we create many of our favorite memories and cement those relationships we will always treasure. This is where best friends are made, family road trips take place, where crushes and first loves are experienced and we collectively have a chance to breathe and reset. Take in the warm temperatures, go places you’ve never been, laugh a lot and when you run out of things to do–start the list all over. The rules are different in the summer…and the 80s rules…well they just RULE! Parents, say hello to what just might be your best summer yet. Totally (to the max.)

The question isn’t “what are we going to do,” the question is “what aren’t we going to do?”–Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

I’m Only Happy When It Rains (NOT!)

Posted on May 24, 2015 by hymningandhaing

One can find so many pains when the rain is falling. –John Steinbeck.

Rain, rain go away…, oh, forget it. We’re past the point of cute nursery rhymes, the rain has gone on long enough, the puddles are turning into ponds and I’m going to come clean–I HATE the rain! I’ve always hated the rain.

For years, I feigned interest when people talked about rain. In Kansas, it seems that we never have enough rain and the topic comes up ALOT. People love to talk about the weather here…it’s a conversation staple. Don’t get me wrong…I am a big-time weather nerd, but the rain just doesn’t float my boat. At all. I can’t stand it when it’s gray and cloudy and I especially don’t like it when this type of weather goes on for days. This spring has been especially rainy and I’m so over it. In some ways it’s gone from annoying to spirit draining. I’m done.

I thought about writing a blog titled “5 things to do in the rain,” or maybe “5 things NOT to do on a rainy day, or “5 ways not to go INSANE when it won’t stop raining,” but…I just don’t care. This is what the rain does to me. It puts me in this pensive mood. It takes me to a place where time feels like it’s standing still…clocks no longer matter. The rain brings back memories (both good and bad.) It keeps me in this sleepy sort of daydream like mood. I feel like eating chocolate (and I’m not a huge chocolate kind of girl.) I have no energy. And the worst part is that I just don’t know what to do with myself. I should clean the house, I should catch up on work, I should start a project, I should bake something, I should read a book…but I can’t. As I write this I can imagine family and friends reaching for their phones…thinking that they should call and check on me. I’m fine. The truth is, I just hate the rain.

SpongeBob Uno…Jellyfish wild, anyone?

It’s funny to think that the rain could affect me so much. Especially since I LOVE thunderstorms! Crashes of lightening, booming thunder, and hail–oh, I’m a big fan. It’s exciting and BRIEF compared to our recent bout of never-ending showers. Several people have been complaining about how the rain is forcing them indoors and cancelling all their social plans. This makes me laugh because these are things that don’t bother me in the least. I’m not an outdoors person (too many bugs) and I’m perfectly happy keeping myself company (a self-proclaimed introvert.) Others have seized the opportunity to use these rainy days for family bonding and togetherness. This is all well and good, but there’s only so many games of Uno one can play in an afternoon (BTW that number is 37.)

Spencer family swamp. May 2015

Basically I am in survival mode trying to busy myself with anything that will distract me from staring out the window. This is where Facebook is an absolute godsend! I so enjoy all the posts about the rain…the worried, the productive, the thoughtful and especially the FUNNY takes on the weather! It’s rainy days like these where Pinterest is a lifesaver as I pin all the projects I will NEVER get to. Thank you, Instagram…#hashtag everything. Fellow blog writers…I appreciate all your genius insights into every subject under the sun (oh, yes, the glorious SUN!) Right now, you’re all keeping me sane AND awake! And finally, HGTV…where would I be without YOU? This sounds like an Academy Awards speech for keeping my head above water, but it’s so very true.

Right now all is quiet and it’s not even 9pm. The kids have retreated to their own corners of the house…binging on Minecraft and streaming TV shows. My husband is at the computer working. And the rain–well, it’s NOT stopping. When I pray tonight, I’ll be sure to thank God that I don’t live in the Pacific Northwest (as their rainy climate would absolutely kill me.) Along with this constant drip, I hear only one song playing over and over in my head…and it makes me smile.

Pour your misery down….

June Bugs in May (A Horror Story)

Posted on May 3, 2015 by hymningandhaing

Insects are my secret fear. That’s what terrifies me more than anything – insects. —Michael O’Donoghue

This will probably only make sense to those who know me best: I HATE June bugs! I don’t remember when my phobia began, but I’m pretty sure that it’s hereditary since I have early childhood memories of my mom, my aunts, my cousins and my sister shrieking in terror when one would come around on a warm spring/summer night. By the time I was in junior high, the phobia was in full force…as my good friend, Joy, and I would part ways at the street light halfway between our houses. Under this light it would seem that June bugs gathered by the thousands…just looking for young girls with long hair to attack. Of course, we played it cool…walking to the street light, quickly saying our goodbyes and running like maniacs back to our houses screaming all the way! I think it’s their large bodies, hard shells, sticky limbs, drunken flight patterns and the sheer noisiness of the little beasts that send me into a tizzy. YUCK!

Turns out that up until now, my fear of June bugs was strictly theoretical. You see all that time I spent dodging them and screaming about them and running from them was merely child’s play. I had never actually had one land on me. I’ve never had to pull one from my hair. Mostly, when I saw one I ran the other direction and if I came across one on the ground well, I stepped on it and tried not to throw up (it’s that body crushing sound that makes me want to hurl.) This system was my response to these scary critters and while it may not sound like a great plan, it had always worked…that is up until last night….

While sitting around a warm campfire, preparing s’mores on an especially beautiful night I met my fear head on (so to speak, ) but let me back up just a bit–I should probably set this up a little. My kiddos were having friends over and with all the comings and goings I left the outdoor lights on. I wanted parents and kids arriving at our house to have a little light…especially since the bulb in the lamp-post that lights the sidewalk had burned out. This meant the flood light that illuminates the patio and basketball goal was on…for HOURS! It was during this time that a swarm of June bugs made their way to our house. There were so many that my son and his friend took to trying to exterminate the problem by clubbing them with sticks (probably a boy thing) and stepping on them. This was all well and good (or so I thought) because 1. it gave them something to do while they were waiting for every one to arrive and 2. they were killing the June bugs! By the time we were ready to get started I foolishly believed that the June bugs were no longer and issue and that any remaining little beasts would simply move on to someone else’s yard once we turned out the lights. But, NO.

The only good June bug–a dead one!

Throughout the campfire we could HEAR the June bugs lurking. Much of the noise came from June bugs running into the garage wall where the light had once been. There was even a loud popping noise when the less brilliant bugs sizzled up in the fire–much to the amusement of the kids. And finally there was the crackling noise of the June bugs beneath MY feet as I moved about helping the kiddos make their s’mores. Each crunchy moment made me want to lose my dinner and I wasn’t even sure if I was going to be able to stomach eating a s’more myself. After about 20 minutes my thoughts drifted away from these horrible bugs and on to the silly ghosts stories that were being told. But wouldn’t you know it…just when I finally got past the situation enough to put together my own ooey gooey, delicious s’more I felt something. No it wasn’t in my hair or on my arm…no the sinister little beast was crawling up my pant leg–ON THE INSIDE!

So there I was with my marshmallow stick in one hand and my fixin’s in the other when I could feel something moving up my leg (darn those wide leg, boot cut jeans.) Okay, I thought, be calm…we have company. We don’t want to panic the children. I’ll just crush it up against my leg and then it will fall out, right? (As I type this I can’t believe those words crossed my mind!) So I quickly transferred everything to one hand and smacked my knee with the other. I heard and felt the crunch. I shook out my pant leg, but nothing fell out. Surely, I had killed the thing! I mean, I hit it pretty hard. I shook my pant leg even more, stepping out of my sandal and using the moonlight to search out the area. NOTHING. Alright, maybe it fell out and I just didn’t see it. Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll go with that. Thinking that the issue had resolved itself, I went back to the task at hand and set out to assemble my s’more. As soon as I bit into that little square of goodness that same feeling returned to my leg. This time I couldn’t help but react. I jumped, squirmed and announced, “There’s a bug in my pants!” You can imagine the giggles and fits of laughter. Great. So again I smacked my knee as hard as I could and this time I knew without a doubt that I had succeeded in killing that thing. You can’t deny BUG JUICE! (Excuse me now while I once again try NOT to throw up!)

What I realized last night is that somewhere along the way, I must have grown up. While I still wholeheartedly claim AND proclaim my June bug phobia–somehow I got through that moment. In the past a trauma like this would have completely ruined my night, but not this time. Instead, I shook out my pant leg (again) and what was left of the bug fell out (of course, I immediately stepped on it for good measure.) Then I moved past it. We finished up our s’mores and Steve and I enjoyed chatting by the fire until nothing was left but smoldering embers. It was so peaceful. Obviously, I didn’t want to discover another bug up my leg, but I wasn’t afraid to let my feet rest on the same slab of concrete where the incident occurred. Call me crazy, but this is BIG GIRL stuff! I felt so good and proud of myself (especially after that squishy spot dried on my pant leg.) Sometimes it truly is the little victories…”sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug”…and sometimes you just get over it and move on as dignified as possible…BUG JUICE and all!

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25

My Purse Keeps Getting Bigger (and Not for the Right Reasons)

Posted on April 22, 2015 by hymningandhaing

As the purse is emptied, the heart is filled. –Victor Hugo

My briefcase-sized purse…easily weighs 8-10 pounds.

Remember the good ol’ days? Footloose and fancy free? Not a care in the world? I do…and what I remember most about them was that everything that I truly NEEDED fit into the palm of my hand. Gone are the days of tucking cherry-flavored Chapstick into my pocket and heading out the door. No more securing a dollar bill to the inside of my sock…you know, just in case. Forget about making room in your shoe to save that last piece of gum for later (seriously, forget about that–it’s a bad idea.) All of these good times ended at about age 16…the year where freedom (a.k.a. driving) meant that you had to carry proof that you were indeed legal behind the wheel! Thus one enters the era of THE PURSE….

At first, having a purse made me feel all grown up. My purse contained nothing but the necessities, right? This is sorta funny because at the time I remember searching my room frantically for items to fill my purse. You know–a comb, lipstick, gum/candy/breath mints (sometimes ALL three), a pen. perfume (I know…I’m sorry,) a stylish journal (for all my important thoughts) and of course a wallet for money…plus that prized driver’s license (the reason I desperately needed a purse in the first place.) In the beginning the purse was pretty small…always messenger style so I could wear it across my body. This is important, because when you’re new to carrying around a purse you need one that you can’t lose…just saying. The purse and I became sympatico and a love/hate relationship was established.

By the time college came around I had to re-evaluate the whole purse thing. Life was changing–big time! I found that college life required a backpack and not necessarily a little messenger purse. The school that I attended was situated on top of a hill, so a lot of walking was a given. Fortunately, I found an item that I refer to as a wallet-keychain. This nifty little gadget became my best friend for four years. It tucked nicely into the backpack, held the bare essentials (license, student ID, money, and bank card) and was attached to my keys! Genius. I wished I had discovered it in high school. This would make everything better…or so I thought. But the purse would eventually have its revenge.

After graduation I ventured into a career path that required some “primping” to say the least (I am only slightly embarrassed to say that I wanted to be the next Connie Chung 🙂 ) Carrying a make-up bag, a brush and comb, etc. was just the norm for this girl with big dreams. Add onto that the things I needed for work: a pen (a back up pen,) a notebook, tapes (and back up tapes,) and HAIRSPRAY! Then there were the snacks (you wondered when I would get to this point?) You see, when your lunch hour varies (or doesn’t necessarily exist) you need more than gum to sustain yourself. Small packages of crackers, cookies and even instant coffee started entering the picture and filling my (now bigger) purse. My shoulder aches just thinking about those days.

I wish I could say that changing career paths meant less stuff and a smaller purse. It didn’t…and mostly because I moved to California. You’re probably wondering why that matters, but it does matter and maybe not for the reasons you might think. It wasn’t that I needed a big purse so that I could keep up with the Kardashians, but rather I needed a purse filled with survival supplies. While California is amazingly beautiful, it’s also a jungle! And jungle life meant that you had to be ready for your 11 mile commute to take as long as two hours. If you had to cross a bridge, someone else’s fender bender might have you looking at a 3 hour delay. Traffic is ridiculous there and so you had to pack ridiculous things in your purse. Water was just as big a deal then as it is now. Carrying around water bottles was not only in vogue, but it could save your life on a warm, Cali day if the traffic was particularly uncooperative (especially when you AC goes out!) Food in your purse was a must, but because this was the Golden State you felt obligated to have “healthy” food. Fruit, nuts, cheese and crackers were the standards–and “fresh” food meant carrying a cold-pak, too. I pity the person who got busted stuffing their face with Cheetos on the California freeway! (Really, you should know better!)

But never was the purse’s revenge as terrible as the day I become a mother. It’s like I could hear the purse saying, “You will never, EVER go back!” I tried making my purse into a diaper bag and when that didn’t work I asked the diaper bag to do double duty as a baby-things-carry-all and a purse. Either way you look at it, I was carrying around a bunch of nonsense. Okay, you’re thinking…”Well, your kids weren’t toddlers forever, right? Eventually you went back to carrying around a plain old purse.” Well, yes AND no. Now that I was a mom I discovered this unwritten rule where you are forced to carry things for your kiddos. This form of servanthood is sneaky, even to the most savvy mother. So many times I have told my children that if they brought it, they had to carry it…only to find my purse a little heavier and their book, toy, or gadget safety tucked inside while my child proceeded to run and do hand stands all over the place with their newfound freedom.

My migration to the extra-large purse didn’t end with just the kids’ stuff. My purse also doubles as a medicine cabinet. Bandages, Neosporin, allergy medicine, etc. all make their home here as well. I am the keeper of Kleenex, keys and bubble gum (of various flavors nonetheless.) My purse houses accessories for cleaning glasses, and extra contact lenses as well as a portable hair salon equipped with fashionable hair-ties for my daughter. Need to write something down? I have pencils, pens and SHARPIES (assorted colors) in my bag! Not to mention lotion, hand sanitizer, post-its and a small magnifying glass (BTW I’m aging and my eyes were the first things to go.) I have ear buds, sunglasses and occasionally pizza crumbs (don’t ask.) These are just the staples, I could go on (and on….)

So why am I telling you all this? Because I want it to stop. REALLY. I am over the purse thing. I want to be the kind of person who just goes with the flow (sans the “luggage.”) The kind of person who doesn’t need a million accessories just to go to the grocery store or to watch my kiddos play ball. I want to go back to the days when everything I NEEDED fit into the palm of my hand. I am craving simplicity and I think the reason all of this has to come to a head is because physically AND spiritually the purse is weighing me down. Stop. I know that’s a pretty big leap, but hear me out. I finally understand the reason I carry around the equivalent of a briefcase everywhere I go, 365 days a year. It’s because of fear and control. Every time a situation has come up in the last 20+ years and I DIDN’T have the tools I needed to handle it, another “something” was added to the purse. This is a pretty big revelation for me. While feigning having it all together, what was really going on was a lack of trust. I didn’t trust myself, I didn’t trust life and in someway I was also saying that I didn’t trust God (at least not completely.)

My new wristlet…smaller than a paperback book!

After so many years, it’s going to be hard to change this pattern…to fight the urge to cover all the bases, at all times–EVERY time. The desire to be superwoman, superwife, supermom, etc. is so very strong. Listen, I know this isn’t the biggest problem on the planet, but I feel convicted to make a change. I want to trust more…to put myself out there. In some suburban-housewife-kind-of-way…this is my next faith test. So here’s where I am–I purchased a wristlet (which just may be the grown-up version of the wallet-keychain that I loved so much in college.) Full disclosure–right now the wristlet resides in my purse (along side a million other items,) but I am making a plan to downsize to this little dandy. Just the NECESSITIES! Those of you who know me, know that this is a tall order! I think I’m up to the challenge. Don’t worry, I’m not going cold turkey…I will still have a large bag (NOT a purse) for sporting events, kid-related activities and church projects. So what if I don’t have a bandage for every boo-boo or a just the right flavor of gum for my kiddos? I have a funny feeling (and a whole lot of FAITH) that we will survive…and it just might save my shoulders, too!

Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?” “Nothing,” they answered. Luke 22:35

hymningandhaing (The Title Explained)

Posted on February 22, 2015 by hymningandhaing

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. Epictetus, Greek Philosopher

Not that anyone has ever asked, but I thought that maybe I should explain (just in case the thought ever crossed your mind)…why hymningandhaing? If it sounds familiar and looks horribly misspelled, then you’re right on both accounts. The title is my take on the familiar idiom “hem and haw.”

When I began writing this blog in 2011, I planned to share bits and pieces of my faith along with my everyday life and I wanted a title that would reflect that theme (go with me on this one, the road is a little twisted here….) To hem and haw means to dither, refuse to give a definitive answer and to keep one’s options open (according to The Word Detective at least.) So while the more familiar version of hemming and hawing connotes a level of indecisiveness, uncertainty and fence-sitting, my interpretation is a little more personal. The “hymning” part is a playful way of suggesting that while I’m a pastor’s wife, I am also the least literate hymn person in the congregation! I didn’t grow up in church so for the most part the hymnal is full of dozens of songs I’ve never, EVER heard of. Not exactly what you’d expect from the so-called “first lady of the church,” (a title that makes me giggle every time!) While this might seem like a sad state of affairs, the “haing” part of the title (pronounced ha-ing…like ha, ha, ha) suggests that I try to take all this in stride and accept the fact that no matter what role I find myself in (wife, mother, sister, friend, etc.) I always try to find the lighter side of things and not take myself too seriously. Afterall, NONE of this was my plan. I am just grateful that God’s plans are so much bigger than anything I could have imagined for myself! And that’s where the original hemming and hawing meets my variation. I don’t know where all this is going or how it will all play out. For the most part, I try to stay open to the possibilities, be thoughtful in all situations and just wait and see…realizing that I don’t have all the answers (if any at all.)

So that’s it. It’s definitely not an earth shattering revelation. Just a little insight. Although I will admit that it makes me belly laugh every time someone mispronounces the blog title! My favorite to date is when someone asked me why I call it hymning-and-HAYing…is it because I live on a farm? (No, I don’t.) 🙂

February…How Do I LOVE Thee? (Song 2 in the Countdown)

Posted on February 2, 2014 by hymningandhaing

Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul: Song 2

Unrequited love. Most of us have lived in that house at one time or another. Boooo 😦 Still, there’s a lesson in this country music ballad. How many times do we set ourselves up for failure in relationships in exchange for a few blissful minutes that we KNOW will turn into heartbreaking memories. Unhealthy. Undoubtedly. But how else will we decide what we’re willing to settle for and discover what we truly need and want in a relationship. This isn’t just about romantic love either. It crosses over into family relationships and friendships as well.

I love that this song was written by Willie Nelson before he was widely known in the music industry. Thinking about this song from the male perspective reminds me that we’re all equal in the heartache department. Sometimes there’s health and healing in just letting go (after we’ve sufficiently cried our eyes out, of course.)

Love is…having an entire conversation through facial expressions and well-timed nods. -me

Coming Up: Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul: Song 3

***This post is part of an ongoing series. As part of my cup half full approach to loving the month of February, I vow to jump in with both feet and embrace the whole Valentine thing with my own custom list of Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul. Ambitious? Yes! Bold? Absolutely! Crazy? You betcha! Pointless? On just about every level. Regardless, let’s give it a go—I mean it’s February and how else am I going to get through the coldest, bleakest, cloudiest, shortest (and longest at the same time) month on the calendar. Let the countdown to Valentine’s Day begin! I (gritting teeth) LOVE February, how about YOU?

February…How Do I LOVE Thee? (A Musical Countdown to Valentine’s Day)

Posted on February 1, 2014 by hymningandhaing

Love is…an unexpected Sonic Coke (delivered), just when you need it most. –me

DISCLAIMER: I am not a man-hating, love-skeptic, Lifetime-movie-watching scorned type of woman. Really. And I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day out of a series of rotten relationships or man troubles. (Rather, I’ve been the recipient of some truly wonderful and sentimental Valentine’s Day gifts from some sweet gentlemen callers over the years.) Yet, I’m just not big into the Valentine thing. The idealist in me believes that we should love each other (and act like we love each other) every single day, no holiday necessary. The realist in me wonders why we spend so much time, energy and money picking out that special something only for that special someone to psychologically dissect it in a thousand different ways. Uggghh. It just feels like an unnecessary merry-go-round. It doesn’t help much that Valentine’s Day lands smack in the middle of February—my least favorite month.

So this year I decided to approach the whole thing differently. I’m going to start loving February. As part of my cup half full approach, I vow to jump in with both feet and embrace the whole Valentine thing with my own custom list of Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul. Ambitious? Yes! Bold? Absolutely! Crazy? You betcha! Pointless? On just about every level. Regardless, let’s give it a go—I mean it’s February and how else am I going to get through the coldest, bleakest, cloudiest, shortest (and longest at the same time) month on the calendar. Let the countdown to Valentine’s Day begin! I (gritting teeth) LOVE February, how about YOU?

Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul: Song 1

What a fun, upbeat look at love! Great metaphors. Quirky and fun lyrics. Reminds me of new love…such excitement and intensity coupled with uncertainty and hesitation. It’s that point in a relationship where you say look I want to make you my number one, are you with me? We’ve all been there. It’s the moment of truth: Will you let me lean on you? Carry the weight without complaining about the burden? Appreciate the good and the bad…let me be a source of joy in your life. Pull your honey close and move to this one. BTW…pay attention to the shadows in the video.

Coming Up:

Love Songs to Melt Your Heart and Move Your Soul: Song 2

My World According to George Strait

Posted on January 17, 2014 by hymningandhaing

I’m usually in the mood right after dinner. Something about a full belly, a mountain of dishes, left overs sealed in GladWare, and disinfecting the counter tops seems to put me in a George Strait state of mind. There’s nothing like classic George when you feel like singing at the top of your lungs while your heart breaks into a thousand pieces as you simultaneously two-step with a broom…the occasional teardrop running down your cheek. Good times 🙂

My imaginary fan meet up with George Strait. Hope Martina doesn’t mind that I inserted my face over hers in this photo!

I don’t think anyone would classify me as a country music fan…although there were a few years in the mid-nineties where I “walked the line.” Okay, I’ll confess—I had a hat at the time, but it was just for the Little Texas concert at the county fair! My get-up was technically faux cowgirl…you know, trendy “booties” instead of real ropers, but I never went as far as having a belt buckle or Wrangler jeans. I did have a few radio presets dedicated to the local country music station at age 18, but all of it faded away just as quickly as it set in. Yet somehow, I managed to fall (and stay) in love with George Strait. And back in the day, I would have donned all that western wear, moved to Texas and developed a real southern drawl just for him. I mean, if I was ever going to go for a cowboy…it would have had to have been him—because if you’re gonna love a cowboy, why not love one who can sing?

While clearing the kitchen table and belting out a little George, the thought occurred to me—almost every song reminds me of a place in time. Memories, days gone by, people who I know and have known. It appears that several of his tunes have served as the soundtrack to many different seasons in my life. Crushes, first love, long drives, adventure, good times and bad. Right or Wrong, Fool Hearted Memory, A Fire I Can’t Put Out…seem to speak to times of young love and the intense feelings that often come with those first break ups and let downs. It was like George was the only one in the world who knew exactly how I felt! Then there were catchy tunes like The Fireman that remind me of KU and driving home with my roommate Sara in her hot, little red car. You Can’t Make a Heart Love Somebody, Easy Come, Easy Go, and Write This Down mark times where I learned important lessons about moving on and trusting God’s plan in both life and relationships. Twangy feel good music like Am I Blue always make me want to dance the day away. And two of my favorites–The Chair and All My Ex’s Live in Texas remind me of my parents–especially my dad’s band and concerts in the park downtown on summer evenings.

Unlike my other music phases, my George fanaticism began at a young age. I remember hearing George in the background while I learned to sew at my Grandma’s house. His songs seemed to play non-stop the first time I visited the great state of Texas (not to mention every time that I’ve ever stepped foot there.) George rode shot-gun with my best friend, Amy and I on our great Tulia, TX adventure in college. Later, his music again played on the radio appropriately setting the stage for a trip to Nashville. And it was George who traveled with me when I moved from Kansas to California. He was my cowboy companion as I cruised the interstate…thank goodness for a cassette player with auto-reverse! I laughed out loud while listening to Ocean Front Property in Arizona…scoping the horizon for his imaginary piece of real estate as I neared Phoenix. One song after another served as the backdrop to beautiful countryside and endless highway. And it was Heartland that later satisfied my soul when I found myself homesick for family and friends back in the Midwest. Other songs like Carrying Your Love with Me and I Cross My Heart remind me of true love, family values, and faith in God.

I know I’m not the only one with memories like these. And it’s been equally as fun to introduce my children to George’s music. His CD 50 Number Ones was on our vacation playlist as we traveled through Denver, Cheyenne, Salt Lake City, Lake Tahoe and finally into the San Francisco Bay area a few summers ago. They claim not to like him…but one glance in the rear view mirror and it’s hard not to notice them singing along. Just tonight my son belted out three songs in a row as he wandered into the kitchen asking aloud, “How do I know every single word?” My daughter rolls her eyes when I bust out a little George in the car on the way home from basketball games. Yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if someday George Strait makes his way onto their playlists. I imagine them sheepishly trying explain to their friends that these songs remind them of their mom and childhood! Better yet, I’d love to hear their take on the little ditty I call my “ultimate George Strait life song”—Ace in the Hole. They frequently give me the oddest looks when I tell them that there’s a life lesson in that song that will serve them well…if they just pay attention. Sure, Mom…sure.

While my radio presets today run the gamut from News Talk and Christian contemporary to Pop and Top 40, modern technology makes it easy enough to find George when and wherever the mood strikes. I don’t have any crazy aspirations of ever meeting George Strait. In fact, it’s probably better this way. I’ve been lucky enough to see him in concert twice and I’m good with that. As for me, our occasional kitchen-after-dinner meet-ups will continue to suffice, especially since they’ve been going on for years. Besides…who would two-step with the broom if George and I didn’t have these now and again country rendezvous?

Music gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. —Plato

10 Things You Don’t Know About Me (A Response to the Facebook Numbers Post)

Posted on November 14, 2013 by hymningandhaing

~~Every once in a while~~ Often, I wish that Facebook had a dislike button. I would use it. I honestly consider myself to be a nice person, but when those little posts roll around asking you to “like if…” I just want to ~~throw something at the computer~~ cringe . I believe this sort of thing to be some form of Facebook spam. So whenever I see posts asking me to make comments starting with a certain letter of the alphabet or tell a story about the day we met, or for heaven’s sake that “giraffe” thing, etc…I start looking for my imaginary dislike button. I think on some level I don’t care for these posts because I am private person and something of a control freak, and I don’t want anyone telling me how, what or why I should play along. But, wouldn’t you just know it, it wasn’t long before I found myself enjoying these messages like everyone else. Laughing at the quips left behind, chuckling at what a friend or family member said, the inside jokes and (I know) hold your horses…it actually became somewhat fun! Okay, so it’s a thirty-something sort of fun, but if you’re a part of that club you know we’ll take just about any kind of fun that rolls our way 🙂

The only thing was… I wanted more. Naturally curious, I wanted explanations to the comments I didn’t understand. I wanted to be in the know. And again, I didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do (as in assign me a number)….and so, drum roll please: I decided to disclose 10 Things You Don’t Know About Me, on my own terms and with explanations. Here it goes….

1. As an adolescent, I had a huge crush on Tom Brokaw.

Okay, so he’s not everyone’s teenage dream, but he was mine. So smart, knowledgable and trustworthy. With a sweet midwestern charm and perfect hair. He could pull off a taupe suit like no other man I know. Sure, I was obsessed with Joey McIntyre of the New Kids on the Block and Mark Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris) from Save by the Bell, but so were all my friends. I thought, however, I just might have a chance with Tom. I later found out he was married to a former beauty queen! #hopesdashed

2. I’m a picky eater, but if my Mom is making Mexican food…I will eat right up to that point just before vomiting.

Who doesn’t think their Mom is the best cook EVER?! My Mom is a boss in the kitchen and makes the tastiest Mexican food in the world. As a kid, I would protest and boycott all kinds of food. I practically lived on grilled cheese (and not the good kind–I had to make mine in the toaster!) But when Mom made Mexican food I could actually keep up with my brothers in the packing it in department. Now that I live away from home, I have to make the most of my visits which means eating tostadas (my ABSOLUTE favorite) to the point of nauseousness.

3. I HAVE to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the bathroom. ALWAYS, no exceptions.

Without going into a lot of explanation, I have a sadder bladder. It’s not a fun thing and stress makes it worse. So whether home or away, near the bathroom I must stay 🙂

4. I am obsessive about cutting up the plastic ring things that hold together soda, sports drinks, etc.

I went on this crazy save the Earth kind of thing when I was in junior high. I was pretty fanatical about chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs), saving the environment, ozone and climate everything. In some ways, I was actually before my time. I’m not sure what started this zaniness, but it might have something to do with Earth Day being so near my birthday. So here’s where those little plastic ring things come in…I remember seeing a video where the human race was polluting the environment so badly, that tiny, sweet little ducks and birds were getting their heads caught in those rings and dying. (Think of that one penguin in Happy Feet!) Absolute sadness. Always cut the plastic ring things into microscopic pieces. Have to.

5. I walk out of movies.

Most people figure they pay good money to see a movie and even if it’s bad, they’re going to plant themselves on that seat clear through the end. Not me. If it’s trash–I’m out. If it’s violent–see you later. If children are being hurt–goodbye. This doesn’t just apply to movies in the theatre, I’ll walk out on a DVD any day of the week. I once walked out of a Christian movie–and I’m a Christian. I can be perfectly happy in a movie theatre lobby.

6. I can’t stand the song She Drives Me Crazy by the Fine Young Cannibals.

This wretched song came out in the late 80s and was completely overplayed. I CANNOT stand it. I hate the video even more. I’m not sure exactly what has caused such a vile reaction to this particular piece of music, but like it I won’t. The only thing I like about this song is that when it comes on Pandora or my iTunes radio station, I can actually click thumbs down or (my favorite) select the NEVER PLAY THIS AGAIN option.

7. I learned how to do the “Twist” from Chubby Checker himself!

As a reporter, I had the opportunity to have many wonderful adventures–and meet some pretty cool people. The one person I’ll never forget is Chubby Checker. I’m a huge fan of oldies music and I just adore the “Twist.” Chubby was performing at a venue in southeast Missouri and agreed to be interviewed to promote his concert. He personally taught me how to do the “Twist.” The trick, he said, is to pretend like your stomping out a cigarette with your foot and drying off your rear end while holding a towel. That, my friends, is the “Twist!”

8. I have never ridden on a motorcycle.

Many moons ago there was a young man who I as smitten with who rode a motorcycle. I sooooo wanted to ride on the back! I thought it would be just about the coolest thing in the world. In reality, I had just watched the movie Grease 2 way too many times and wanted a “cool rider” of my own. However, when I had the chance–when the motorcycle and the guy were right there in front of me (offering me a ride no less) I couldn’t do it. I actually said, “My Mom said I can’t ride on a motorcycle.” Lost many cool points that day, but (as my Mom would put it) I am still alive and with all my own skin on. Today, as a mother, I would actually pull my kid off a motorcycle if I had to. #uncoolmomsrule

9. I once yelled at a guy for trying to offer me drugs.

While at a college party (in a town that was not Lawrence, mind you) a young man sauntered up to me reeking of marijuana and sporting some extremely over-sized clothing. He started making small talk with my friend and I and in less the two minutes decided we were worthy of retreating with him into a dark alley in order to share a joint. Maybe it was the fact that I won a SADD contest as a kid, I’m not sure, but something kicked into hyperdrive with his offer. I am against substance abuse of any kind and this gent had completely offended my honor. I said (at the top of my lungs), “Do I LOOK like I do drugs to you?” and proceeded to yell at him. It was one of those screaming rants similar to that of Ralphie on the movie A Christmas Story…I got started and I just couldn’t stop. Poor kid just slithered away. Maybe that was an over-the-top reaction, but I take this say no to drugs thing pretty seriously.

10. I want to be a writer, as in real book author, when I grow up.

When I was a kid I used to tell stories to my brothers and sister at bedtime. I could tell stories that would go late into the night. We would laugh and laugh with plot changes and strange twists. The crazier the story, the better. I also wanted to be a teacher when I was very young (decided kids are too much work), and then wanted to be a lawyer for about a week (couldn’t stand the thought of defending someone who I knew was guilty.) Next, I wanted to be an author. The dream seemed too big…so I set my sights on becoming a journalist instead! I have yet to write a book, but the urge is still there. And maybe, just maybe when I grow up–I’ll do something about it!

It’s funny (figuratively and literally) what we find out about each other when we simply “play” the game. Thank you Facebook friends for sharing and for indulging me in “my version” of the game as well.

The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about. Wayne Dyer

hymningandhaing

balancing faith, family & a few dozen other things on the yellow brick road

Category Archives: Nonsense